Where is Pluto?

I was teaching this little friend of mine studying in 5th Std. We were looking at Planetary System chapter. In the list of planets we found that Pluto was missing.

Our little friend, asked me "Do you know why they do not have Pluto listed now?"

I vaguely tried to recollect the news where they said Pluto has been removed from the planets list because of its size...etc.

My little friend disagreed with me and said, "You saw Taarae Zameen Par? Ishaan for multiplying 3 into 9 breaks the 9th planet pluto with earth, right? Thats why!!!"

Do u smell smoke ???

My colleague sitting next to me said "Do you also smell smoke?"

Me: "yes"

Colleague: Where is it possibly coming from?

Me: May be its the 'Fire in the belly' here", pointing at my stomach.

When he started lifting his finger to cover his nose, did I realize what I had just blurted out.
I had to then clarify that it was another PJ, and no problem with my stomach.

I am ...

My colleague SK mentioned after a days work, "I am 'tired'."


My another colleague VJ immediately replied, "I am 'Vimal'."

Misbah-ul-Haq forgot 1 important fact

As told by my mallu friend...

On the 1st 20-20 final, When Misbah-ul-Haq hit the ball thinking its deflected to no-man's land he forgot one important fact, can you guess that important point?



That there's a mallu in every corner of this world!

What do you call a person...???

My neighbour cubicle'r was writing an essay for his MBA application to an university abroad.

He very seriously asked me "PK, what do u call a person who is thinking ahead of his time and identifying problems and escalating it? Actually, I have to describe myself here from my managers viewpoint"

PK: "Whistle-blower!!!"

Great Heights 2 - Come down

When I told this previous joke to my friend, he said; a similar funny reply was got by one of his relative in Military(he was 6ft and more as the previous person).

This relative had gone to a petty fast food outlet and ordered an omelette.
Teenage kid there had taken an egg for making it. Relative had stopped him saying the egg looks very small.

Kid had immediately replied, "Its big only, come down and see."

Great Heights

My ex-boss(6ft 3 or more inches) had a fractured hand and he had curious look from everyone in our 100 odd people office.

He sent out a mail informing that he had fractured hand because of a fall. He also added that he had inquired the doctor why a simple fall had caused a fracture.

Doctor had replied to him "when you fall from great heights, you risk fracturing your arms."

Made in Australia???

My friend had a project assignment for 6 months in Australia. He took his wife and kid along.

Once he got back he said he is expecting his second kid in 6 months.

Gave the usual "Advance Congrats" and quipped "Oh! Made in Australia!".

Most Hilarious Matrimonial profile I hav read so far...

I do the online bridegroom search for my sister...today this profile made me ROFL...

Name: Entrepreneur
...
Occupation in detail : Aspiring entrepreneur preparing for business

in About me

section is where the comedy starts...

Good sense of humour; Varied interests such as art, movies, music, literature and sports;zest for living life to the fullest makes me an INTERESTING PERSON!
Good character, values and no bad habits make me a GOOD HUMAN BEING!
Innovation, creativity makes me DREAMER AND VISIONARY!
Readiness to take any efforts and hard work makes me ACHIEVER!
Gender equality makes me GOOD COOK and FAMILY PERSON!
curiosity, varied interests, readiness to learn new things make me ADAPTABLE AND FLEXIBLE TO DO ANYTHING!
Intelligence, Good Education (M. C. S. ) and wide work experience as Computer Software Professional in India and U. K. makes me GLOBALLY COMPETENT!
My keen interest and ambition to set-up own business widens my HORIZONS TO CONQUER in many fields, not just IT industry, the area of my core competence!

BUT despite having all these in my account, my life is EMPTY!
Missing is the ONE WOMAN who will be my WIFE,
With whom I can SHARE all these all my life or long term of my life!
Without HER all these things has no meaning, no value!
No meaning to my existence! No meaning to my Life!
EVERYTHING IS MEANINGLESS WITHOUT HER!
Do you feel about your life same way, EVERYTHING MEANINGLESS WITHOUT HIM?

Dear Bride,
Are YOU the one who is missing in my life?
Are YOU the one who will make everything MEANINGFUL for me?
If yes, then come soon! I am eagerly waiting for YOU!

We will MARRY and start NEW LIFE!.... OUR LIFE TOGETHER!
And build our own SWEET HOME to live TOGETHER HAPPILY and PEACEFULLY!
And Set-up our OWN BUSINESS from scratch,
preferably in YOUR field of PASSION,
to work hard TOGETHER and progress FAST!
And Start our own NUCLEAR FAMILY soon when adequately settled.
Parents allowed to live with us only after they become totally dependent on others.
Brothers, sisters, uncles, aunties, etc. not allowed to live in our Home!
We will LIVE our Marriage life HAPPILY and PEACEfully!
We will NOT AT ALL QUARREL after marriage, because
we will sort out all possible disputes over rights, responsibilities, divorce terms, etc.
before signing our marriage contract at the time we marry in COURTS OF LAW.

When U come don't rob your parents/siblings/relatives with your dowry demands.
Come with your self-earned stuff only, so that u will live with dignity and self-respect!
If you haven't earned so far, earn as much as u can during 1 months notice to court.
I won't accept you, without your own self-earned contribution to our JOINT VENTURES-Home, Family and businesses!
Come soon! If you can't come to my city, I will come to yours because I am OPEN TO MIGRATE.
WE WILL JOIN EACH OTHER SOON TO MAKE A NEW BEGINNING!

How can you do this to me?

Went to my friend's (he is my room mate) wedding reception function last month. As my friend cooks most of time for both of us, I told his sister, "He was cooking nicely for me, now I am going to miss it".
His sister gave a laugh and said "Go tell this to the bride on stage and ask her, How can she do this to you?"

On the podium when I mentioned this statement to the couple, my friend quickly replied, "Dont raise any cooking related topic now, for a while(since their engagement) we have been debating over phone who is gonna cook after marriage..."

Gimme a missed call on this mobile!!!

My friend is looking for a house and someone gave him a broker's(a sardar) mobile number. Friend called him up and conversation between the two were around the requirements and area and stuff...
At the end of the call, our man(the broker) asked my friend to give him a missed call on THIS MOBILE so that he can have my friends number.

Do you use Card, sir?

A very familiar question from Credit Card call center trying to sell Credit Cards.
Colleague: Yes, I do use Cards.
CC Girl: Which card do you use sir?
Colleague: Ration Card.

Call ended immediately.

Pity the sales girls in Call Center. Wish to know whether anyone really gets to sell thru this sales campaign. If only they had skills of persons who can sell ice to eskimos or sell Infrastructure bonds to Bangaloreans(2nd example was lifted from http://poomanam.blogspot.com/ very funny blog ...indeed).

Demos are always bewitched

This happened to my cousin who works for a finance company with a large customer base in rural India. He works in marketing department. One of the Directors had come down to his office. After some usual office meetings had asked for a demo of how they market the products on the field.

He had taken the director to a nearby village and having him aside he approached the nearby elderly man in his sixties. He introduced himself as a person working for this company and had started marketing the companies product. All the while, the elderly man had kept nodding his head.

After some 5-6 minutes of this campaign, the elderly man has said, "My child, I see that you want to tell something to me, but my left ear does not hear properly, can you come over to my right and explain it."

My cousin still gets a good laugh from everyone over this demo embarrassment before his marketing director.

Matrimony website - prospective Alliance's reply

I got this reply while searching alliances for my sister in one of these matrimony websites. Don't miss to read what bridegroom's parents are searching for(an NRI). You will immediately appreciate his urgency on the last line.

Hi,

I saw your msg happy, pls send your sister photo horscope and adress details now i am in india, my parents now searching aliens. pls send imediatly.

Thanking

.......

How does a newborn look like???

Recently I was at my friends house to see her new-born(just a month old).

On the question of how does the baby look like? I replied, "I never had a clue on how people could tell resemblance of the baby with either of parents at such a young stage of their growth".

Uncle in their house replied, "neither can most people, just that they say it with all confidence that baby looks like mum/dad/grand-relations etc. Best answer on this question we have heard so far, is from one of our relations on her grand-kid."
On this question, she had replied "Top half (above hips) looks like mom, bottom half looks like Dad of the kid."

There is a problem facing me here!!!

My friend was looking at the desktop and was deeply engrossed in debugging his code. He called my name and said "I have a problem facing me here..."

He lightened up on hearing my reply, "Why dont you turn around?"

Explaining 'Sardar'ji jokes ...

This happened to my ex-colleague. He during a team luncheon had told a sardarji joke. Manager was an expatriate(a blonde in that) and so she had difficulty understanding sardarji genre jokes.
Now he wanted to explain her about this category of sardarji jokes and in a hurry uttered,
"Sardarji jokes are like 'blonde' jokes of the west."

Thankfully she had not got offended by mention of blondes in this context it seems(as he had survived to work an year under her after this).

Life's ups & downs

I am scrapping with this friend who is in Chennai after some 3-4 years. On her question on "Hows life?"

My reply: Life has been good with its usual ups & downs. How abt urs?
Her reply scrap: Yup, with lots of ups & down here as well.
My reply: I didnt know that Chennai roads are as bad as Gurgaon roads?
(I am residing in Gurgaon for some years now. Now, after this scraps exchange, she is not replying back to any of my scraps)

Short of Vision as ...

RS, had earlier described to me a business opportunity which IMHO did not exists.
PK: Business plan that u r suggesting, at any day is not implementable by a third party.
RS: You need to have vision to implement this.
PK: Yes, as I am short on vision, I am indeed short-sighted.
(Just FYI, I wear specs for short sight.)

Be careful abt spell check correction in outlook

My colleague in UK had accepted all corrections suggested by Outlook mail and sent the mail to his manager(Anil).

Later did he realise the mistake of accepting all when he read the 1st line of the mail as
"Hi Anal, "