For Mara Tamils...Vadivelu dialogues in real life

Vadivelu dialogues have more or less become part of life and is a rage these days in Tamilnadu...the instances I have come across make me ROFL. Here are few...

@my cousins wedding
My two lovely niece studying in 1st/2nd standard were standing before the reception area, and were bowing to people coming in and at their top of their voice would welcome with (this vadivel dialogue)...
"Vanthuttanngayya Vanthuttanga"...


@my friends regret
Friend aged 26 had eagerly started bride search in websites. To his dismay, his parents have told him that "Going by your horoscope, you must not marry now. As you are gonna be unsettled and shuffling place of residence for next 2 years and marriage would break if you marry over this time".

I tried to cajole him with some nice ideas and suggested, "Why dont u start searching now, get engaged to some nice girl and marry after this 2 years. Have you suggested this to your parents?"

His (vadivel dialogue) reply was "Aaniyae pudunga vendamnu sollittanga..."

@my cousin to her sister-in-law
Cousin: "Why haven't you gone and had lunch at that hotel?, food is very very good and its next to ur place of residence..."

Sister-in-law: "I was waiting for your brother to take me there till now."

Cousin(used the Vadivels dialogue): "Aaahhaaaaaa! Aaahhaaaaaa!!! Ambuttu nallavangalaaa neenga???"

@regarding my future marriage plans
Whenever someone asked me about my marriage plans, I used to reply, "Nowadays my affection to hindi is increasing day by day...so who knows...??"

Cousin asked "Have you told this to parents and got their approval???"

Eventhough my parents said they wouldnt mind since this (Vadivel dialogue) quote was appropriate I just replied, "Hmmmm...well their reply was 'Pechhu! Pechhaa thaan irukkanum!!!'. "

I am ...

My colleague SK mentioned after a days work, "I am 'tired'."


My another colleague VJ immediately replied, "I am 'Vimal'."

Misbah-ul-Haq forgot 1 important fact

As told by my mallu friend...

On the 1st 20-20 final, When Misbah-ul-Haq hit the ball thinking its deflected to no-man's land he forgot one important fact, can you guess that important point?



That there's a mallu in every corner of this world!

What do you call a person...???

My neighbour cubicle'r was writing an essay for his MBA application to an university abroad.

He very seriously asked me "PK, what do u call a person who is thinking ahead of his time and identifying problems and escalating it? Actually, I have to describe myself here from my managers viewpoint"

PK: "Whistle-blower!!!"

Something Fishy

VR called my next cubicle'r SK to come to his desk. When I asked "What for? Should I also join?"
VR replied back "No only SK, this is about something, Fishy!"
This prompt reply was rather unexpected by them then, "ok SK carry on, anyways I am a Vegetarian."

Great Heights 2 - Come down

When I told this previous joke to my friend, he said; a similar funny reply was got by one of his relative in Military(he was 6ft and more as the previous person).

This relative had gone to a petty fast food outlet and ordered an omelette.
Teenage kid there had taken an egg for making it. Relative had stopped him saying the egg looks very small.

Kid had immediately replied, "Its big only, come down and see."

Great Heights

My ex-boss(6ft 3 or more inches) had a fractured hand and he had curious look from everyone in our 100 odd people office.

He sent out a mail informing that he had fractured hand because of a fall. He also added that he had inquired the doctor why a simple fall had caused a fracture.

Doctor had replied to him "when you fall from great heights, you risk fracturing your arms."

Made in Australia???

My friend had a project assignment for 6 months in Australia. He took his wife and kid along.

Once he got back he said he is expecting his second kid in 6 months.

Gave the usual "Advance Congrats" and quipped "Oh! Made in Australia!".

Most Hilarious Matrimonial profile I hav read so far...

I do the online bridegroom search for my sister...today this profile made me ROFL...

Name: Entrepreneur
...
Occupation in detail : Aspiring entrepreneur preparing for business

in About me

section is where the comedy starts...

Good sense of humour; Varied interests such as art, movies, music, literature and sports;zest for living life to the fullest makes me an INTERESTING PERSON!
Good character, values and no bad habits make me a GOOD HUMAN BEING!
Innovation, creativity makes me DREAMER AND VISIONARY!
Readiness to take any efforts and hard work makes me ACHIEVER!
Gender equality makes me GOOD COOK and FAMILY PERSON!
curiosity, varied interests, readiness to learn new things make me ADAPTABLE AND FLEXIBLE TO DO ANYTHING!
Intelligence, Good Education (M. C. S. ) and wide work experience as Computer Software Professional in India and U. K. makes me GLOBALLY COMPETENT!
My keen interest and ambition to set-up own business widens my HORIZONS TO CONQUER in many fields, not just IT industry, the area of my core competence!

BUT despite having all these in my account, my life is EMPTY!
Missing is the ONE WOMAN who will be my WIFE,
With whom I can SHARE all these all my life or long term of my life!
Without HER all these things has no meaning, no value!
No meaning to my existence! No meaning to my Life!
EVERYTHING IS MEANINGLESS WITHOUT HER!
Do you feel about your life same way, EVERYTHING MEANINGLESS WITHOUT HIM?

Dear Bride,
Are YOU the one who is missing in my life?
Are YOU the one who will make everything MEANINGFUL for me?
If yes, then come soon! I am eagerly waiting for YOU!

We will MARRY and start NEW LIFE!.... OUR LIFE TOGETHER!
And build our own SWEET HOME to live TOGETHER HAPPILY and PEACEFULLY!
And Set-up our OWN BUSINESS from scratch,
preferably in YOUR field of PASSION,
to work hard TOGETHER and progress FAST!
And Start our own NUCLEAR FAMILY soon when adequately settled.
Parents allowed to live with us only after they become totally dependent on others.
Brothers, sisters, uncles, aunties, etc. not allowed to live in our Home!
We will LIVE our Marriage life HAPPILY and PEACEfully!
We will NOT AT ALL QUARREL after marriage, because
we will sort out all possible disputes over rights, responsibilities, divorce terms, etc.
before signing our marriage contract at the time we marry in COURTS OF LAW.

When U come don't rob your parents/siblings/relatives with your dowry demands.
Come with your self-earned stuff only, so that u will live with dignity and self-respect!
If you haven't earned so far, earn as much as u can during 1 months notice to court.
I won't accept you, without your own self-earned contribution to our JOINT VENTURES-Home, Family and businesses!
Come soon! If you can't come to my city, I will come to yours because I am OPEN TO MIGRATE.
WE WILL JOIN EACH OTHER SOON TO MAKE A NEW BEGINNING!

How can you do this to me?

Went to my friend's (he is my room mate) wedding reception function last month. As my friend cooks most of time for both of us, I told his sister, "He was cooking nicely for me, now I am going to miss it".
His sister gave a laugh and said "Go tell this to the bride on stage and ask her, How can she do this to you?"

On the podium when I mentioned this statement to the couple, my friend quickly replied, "Dont raise any cooking related topic now, for a while(since their engagement) we have been debating over phone who is gonna cook after marriage..."

Gimme a missed call on this mobile!!!

My friend is looking for a house and someone gave him a broker's(a sardar) mobile number. Friend called him up and conversation between the two were around the requirements and area and stuff...
At the end of the call, our man(the broker) asked my friend to give him a missed call on THIS MOBILE so that he can have my friends number.

Do you use Card, sir?

A very familiar question from Credit Card call center trying to sell Credit Cards.
Colleague: Yes, I do use Cards.
CC Girl: Which card do you use sir?
Colleague: Ration Card.

Call ended immediately.

Pity the sales girls in Call Center. Wish to know whether anyone really gets to sell thru this sales campaign. If only they had skills of persons who can sell ice to eskimos or sell Infrastructure bonds to Bangaloreans(2nd example was lifted from http://poomanam.blogspot.com/ very funny blog ...indeed).

Demos are always bewitched

This happened to my cousin who works for a finance company with a large customer base in rural India. He works in marketing department. One of the Directors had come down to his office. After some usual office meetings had asked for a demo of how they market the products on the field.

He had taken the director to a nearby village and having him aside he approached the nearby elderly man in his sixties. He introduced himself as a person working for this company and had started marketing the companies product. All the while, the elderly man had kept nodding his head.

After some 5-6 minutes of this campaign, the elderly man has said, "My child, I see that you want to tell something to me, but my left ear does not hear properly, can you come over to my right and explain it."

My cousin still gets a good laugh from everyone over this demo embarrassment before his marketing director.

Matrimony website - prospective Alliance's reply

I got this reply while searching alliances for my sister in one of these matrimony websites. Don't miss to read what bridegroom's parents are searching for(an NRI). You will immediately appreciate his urgency on the last line.

Hi,

I saw your msg happy, pls send your sister photo horscope and adress details now i am in india, my parents now searching aliens. pls send imediatly.

Thanking

.......

How does a newborn look like???

Recently I was at my friends house to see her new-born(just a month old).

On the question of how does the baby look like? I replied, "I never had a clue on how people could tell resemblance of the baby with either of parents at such a young stage of their growth".

Uncle in their house replied, "neither can most people, just that they say it with all confidence that baby looks like mum/dad/grand-relations etc. Best answer on this question we have heard so far, is from one of our relations on her grand-kid."
On this question, she had replied "Top half (above hips) looks like mom, bottom half looks like Dad of the kid."

There is a problem facing me here!!!

My friend was looking at the desktop and was deeply engrossed in debugging his code. He called my name and said "I have a problem facing me here..."

He lightened up on hearing my reply, "Why dont you turn around?"

Explaining 'Sardar'ji jokes ...

This happened to my ex-colleague. He during a team luncheon had told a sardarji joke. Manager was an expatriate(a blonde in that) and so she had difficulty understanding sardarji genre jokes.
Now he wanted to explain her about this category of sardarji jokes and in a hurry uttered,
"Sardarji jokes are like 'blonde' jokes of the west."

Thankfully she had not got offended by mention of blondes in this context it seems(as he had survived to work an year under her after this).

Life's ups & downs

I am scrapping with this friend who is in Chennai after some 3-4 years. On her question on "Hows life?"

My reply: Life has been good with its usual ups & downs. How abt urs?
Her reply scrap: Yup, with lots of ups & down here as well.
My reply: I didnt know that Chennai roads are as bad as Gurgaon roads?
(I am residing in Gurgaon for some years now. Now, after this scraps exchange, she is not replying back to any of my scraps)

Short of Vision as ...

RS, had earlier described to me a business opportunity which IMHO did not exists.
PK: Business plan that u r suggesting, at any day is not implementable by a third party.
RS: You need to have vision to implement this.
PK: Yes, as I am short on vision, I am indeed short-sighted.
(Just FYI, I wear specs for short sight.)

Be careful abt spell check correction in outlook

My colleague in UK had accepted all corrections suggested by Outlook mail and sent the mail to his manager(Anil).

Later did he realise the mistake of accepting all when he read the 1st line of the mail as
"Hi Anal, "

Tamil PJ (to be enjoyed by S/w Enggrs)

Me: Hi, Yeppadi irukka?

Friend: Nulla kiraenn.

Me: NULLa kiraenna???, Why dont u declare a variable and set the value?

Ab Bahuth Hogaya!

My colleague narrated this incident that happened to him with his son.

Once he and his wife had a heated discussion on a topic for some time. His son(may be around 6 yrs old then) who had been listening to the whole fight suddenly intervened. He had then said "Ab bahuth hogaya! Mein shahdi nahi karunga!" ("I had Enough of this stuff! I will not marry anyone!")

Innocent jokes by Kids

This happened to my brother's neighbour. Neighbour a lady was trying to feed her 4 yr old kid some rice dish. Kid was refusing to have it.
Neighbour wanted to coerce her Kid and mentioned, "Dont you remember what the Doctor had asked you, 'Didnt he ask you to eat well?' ".
Kid had an innocent question, "Did the doc ask me to have the food even when it doesn't taste good?"


Buy an ATM...
My cousin's kid had accompanied him to ATMs quite often.
When the kid had asked for a ship toy, cousin had replied
"Dad does not have enough money this month, lets buy it after next
month's salary."
Kid had immediately replied, "Why dont you buy an ATM machine dad,
we can take money whenever we need it..."

It will go for a toss...

There was a technical discussion when AM mentioned that making these changes to the framework will cause the system unstable and it will go for a toss.
My question was "Should we expect a head or tail...kind of result"

Small entry

GN was mentioning about configuration changes to get validation framework to work. He said " 'small' entries have to be made to this config file".
I had a genuine doubt "Should we have to reduce the font size and make these entries?"

Heights of sleeping...

Last saturday morning around 9 AM my roommates came after a game of Tennis and found me sleeping on my bed still...

My roommate said "Heights of sleeping!!!"

'Sleep'ishly I replied "2 & 1/2 feet."

Horoscope has become 'horror'scope

As we are doing bridegroom search for my sister, am having a tough time with horoscope matching experience. In a fit of frustration mentioned to my cousin that horoscope is like 'horror'scope with even the nicest prospects.

She replied,
"I used to believe in future forecast but now I don’t even believe in weather forecast!"

How much I Wish, I could just change my Dad's perception on horoscope matching.

Throw your views...

Pk: r u free...I want to talk with u 4 sometime. [At present I have no knowledge of Actuate Report Server, which this Guy Manohar knows]

Manohar: We are discussing abt an Actuate's problem. Why don't u throw ur Views?

Pk: What abt Tables, Procedures and Functions?

Just copied my old jokes here and here's todays

After having palak chicken(chicken delicacy with spinach) my friend was not happy with the taste. He mentioned "The Chicken was missing something..."


Pk: The Chicken did not have life.

We love vegetarians...

A hotel chain in London is famous for its Chickens...and to satisfy vegetarians they had a small section of burgers in their menu above which was written.

We love vegetarians...all our chickens are vegetarians.

How mobiles let everyone be fooled about location

During a chat my friend was saying how a fellow passenger in his train was ballantly bluffing that he had reached Faridabad/Gaziabad when they were still some 10-15 minutes away from that place.

Surprisingly we were discussing the same topic(how mobiles let everyone be fooled about location) when I was returning back to Delhi in train. In one incident, the other person had bluffed that he was coming to a planned destination and he is already in his car. The person who was chatting immediately had asked him to "Blow horn and show!". Obviously couldn't escape this simple test.

So next time your friend is informing you that he is well on the way as planned try to get some simple proof like this.

Thank God! Breathing is involuntary

My friend was frustrated by a young dumb co-worker
who messed up some setup and that led to many problems.
Totally pissed off, my friend commented,

"That fellow has to constantly 'Thank God for Breathing is automatic'(involuntary),
else he wouldn't have managed to live so long"

PJs corner (believe me all were cracked in my eX-office - so Copyrighted)

Cricket Service -- Swami had once agreed to Ananth's offer of being one of the 11 players for the weekend cricket match against some team(but rather reluctantly). Then after sometime Ananth and Swami had a dispute over some functional specification discussion.
Swami[in a threatening tone]: Ananth, if u keep on disputing like this, then u r not likely 2 get my service for weekend cricket match.
[I interrupted]
Pk: Swami, In cricket there is no service and only bowling.

Tedulkar and Calibure--
Discussion was between Sound and Kaushik abt Tendulkars poor performance in one of the Cricket World Cup matches
Sound: Tendulkar, with his Calibure should not have done this.
Pk: Sound, Tendulkar comes for Victor and not Calibure.

Gatt was talking with me and SriniV abt something when,
Gatt: I cannot find even one yaaaa!!!
Pk: yes, u cannot find even one becoz One is ODD.

VB Mistake... Jaspal this time was getting over Saurabha abt some functional issue in SSS of Matrix...
Jaspal: This is a basic mistake, this must not happen...
Pk: Jaspal! this is not Basic mistake this is Visual Basic mistake.

Hardly...
Gatt at the Peak of Mullyangiri was very worried abt ppl calling her Gatt and not Gayathri.
Gatt: Nowadays, Hardly anybody calls me Gayathri, everyone calls me 'Gatt'
[inquisitive]Pk: 'Softly', how many ppl call u Gayathri?

Community...
Vinod with all his Josh and Enthu was explaining Vish about how one becomes
a Community Star
Vinod: Should be able to provide many solutions of MS technolgy....and...U
should be able to drive the community.
Pk[had a genuine doubt]: Should we bring a Lorry/Bus?


Sanyasi
Binoy: How does one become become Sanyasi?[wil hold its humor if u prounce
it SanyaC]
???perplexed???
Binoy's Answer: 1st bcome SanyaA, then SanyaB, then SanyaC...Simple.


Father of Nation.
Ananth at our bay was Counting some Rupee Notes and Srini asked few notes be givn to him
Ananth: I am father of two...I have to be very careful abt money...
Pk: I now understand y Gandhi had to be so Simple...
Ananth: y?
Pk: bcoz, Gandhi is Father of Nation.


Independent
Christabell was chatting with our model Sajjid, ashak and myself in Cafe
Bell: ...at some point in my life I want to be Independent...
Pk: wait till August 15th


With Udhay,
Some Highclass pj i cracked and...
Udh:Plzz Bear with him 4 some more days, as anyway he is leaving this
place...
[curious]Pk[got a doubt]: y Bear has the previlege, Y ppl do not say
"lion with", "tiger with", or "cow with"